OLD MAN YELLS AT CLOUD: where we complain about popular things in media we don't like to feel better about ourselves

[Booyakasha]

You know...I think Disney itself is getting sick of the "surprise twist-villain" shtick. Like, if you have half a brain, you twigged Magnifico was evil like six minutes into 'Wish'. Hell of a shift from Hans suddenly bein evil 95% of the way into 'Frozen'.

Disney's next movie should be about Unit 731. Make the bad guys seem like good guys there, I double-dog dare you, you swine. You cowardly filth.

We're sick of it. Do a Don Bluth and show evil people being evil and good guys being good for the first time in years, or go off and get bent.

Remake 'The Black Cauldron', and make the Horned King "kids crap themselves" terrifying. Hell, make him simultaneously nightmare-inducing and a twist-villain. That would require some effort. "It isn't my fault I'm an eldritch horror chiller ghoul from Hell, I'm actually a good guy. Except surprise! it turns out I'm evil and such" etc

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Half the time the "good guy" is more unlikable than the villain these days, so writers don't know how to let good guys be good and bad guys be bad anymore.

[Booyakasha]

...if you want to do moral complexity these days, it had damn well better be at least as entertaining as Christmas Skeletor.

These twist-shenanigans at the end of an eighty-minute kids' flick barely matter. I watched 'Deadwood', man. Watched Al Swearengen turn from villain to savior over the course of 36 hours of nail-biting television, and didn't have to listen to 'Love is an Open Door' once.

[Booyakasha]

...so of course it's all subjective. Like, you can depict most comic book characters however you want. Like, most people will always see Superman as the old Christopher Reeve model, dropping Lex off at the police station and saluting the coppers, no matter what else happens. Let Zak Snyder do as he will-------Christopher Reeve smile and salute, forever.

So can I just say I'm slightly weirded out by the children's series 'Spidey and His Amazing Friends'? I've seen this show a bunch with Em-bud and Iree, and it's friggin weird. I've been consuming Spider-Man stuff for well over thirty-five years---------I'm well-accustomed to Green Goblin being a horrifying psychopath and murderer. Little less-accustomed to him being 'oh, that kooky guy we sometimes fight! a-hyuk'. Making bad guys lighter is weirder to me than making good guys darker.

Is this Spidey gang going to encounter Daredevil? How about Punisher? I'm just asking. They all operate out of NYC.

When is Punisher gonna have a fun pizza party with the Ninja Turtles, dammit? I want Frank to be happy for once.

(*imagines Frank, the Turtles and Groo playing at a six-player 'X-Men' cabinet*) (*nearby, Sam and Max watch, spellbound*) (*Wolverine and Dazzler walk up with sodas*)

[Deku Tree]

Punisher and Casey Jones would get along, I think.

[Booyakasha]

Oh yeah. Same as Daredevil and the Turtles would. Casey's a takeoff of Frank, no less than the Turtles are a parody of DD.

[Booyakasha]

...if I were in the band Mannheim Steamroller, I don't think I'd be able to resist the urge to tell people that the band was named after a serial killer. Like lots of those murderers where it's "place × method", like the Cincinatti Strangler.

Like, imagine that movie-----------the wounded debutante is hobbling away through the tunnel, but the steamroller is gaining, and the killer is bellowing a very aggressive version of 'Deck the Halls' at the top of his voice. 'FALALALALA, MYAHAHAHAAA!'

[CaptHayfever]

So, like Austin Powers?

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Booyakasha]

Yeah, except unlike 'Austin Powers', it's funny.

[EDIT: That wasn't nìce, but I'll stand by ìt.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Austin Powers is pretty funny, but in general I just don't think sex jokes are that funny, and those movies are packed full of it. They're kinda like poop jokes, they can be funny but only rarely.

[CaptHayfever]

How about Deadpool, then? (Language warning)

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Booyakasha]

...you know, I'd almost respect one of these dumb prank channels on YouTube if they'd put their guy in an Adam West Batman suit and have him run around with a big fake bomb. That's clearly a lot more fun than 'pretend to slip and drop milk', isn't it?

[Booyakasha]

I'm taking back what I said about Austin Powers. I like them movies, man. They're good dumb fun.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

I always liked the not-Godzilla scene with the Pokemon cameos when I was young.

[Deku Tree]

I liked the first two, but I thought the third one recycled too many of the gags from the previous films. It's the same thing I didn't like about the last HHGttG book and the second Hangover movie. I don't go to a comedy to have them play the old hits.

[CaptHayfever]

Heather Graham is such a bad actress that she drags down the 2nd one to being my least favorite.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Booyakasha]

I still liked 'Goldmember', but Austin Powers can just be over now. Like what more is there to do with the characters or premise. I'll not say spy parody has run out of steam, but, like, it's a slightly more crowded market now, and 'Archer' kind of blows 'Goldmember' out of the water.

[Booyakasha]

You know...the Evil Queen had the magical ability to change her own personal appearance. Do you think it ever even occurred to her to make herself slightly prettier than Snow White, instead of doing the whole 'old peddler hag transformation/poisoned apple' shtick? Is that too easy or something?

Maybe the reason people think Snow White is prettier is that she's nice and sweet and easygoing. Someone should tell Grimmhilde that one is never fully dressed without a smile.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Well, depends on the version of Snow White. The new one busts into the dwarves' home and snidely calls the shots, not quite as nice and sweet.

[Booyakasha]

In ten years' time, the culture will barely remember any of these smelly live-action versions ever existed. I'm actively forgetting them even as I write this.