I hate other people's dogs.

[Booyakasha]

They're disgusting. They're repellant scum. I hate the stupid noises they make, and their mephitic stench. I want them to go the hell away.

If you're the kind of person who includes their gross dog in their Christmas letter, don't send me a copy. I don't want "Season's Greetings from Jim, Magda and Noodles"------------Noodles would probably bite me with its hellish maw, considering how crappy Jim and Magda are at training their dogs. Noodles' cute Santy hat won't take the sting out of a tetanus shot. Have Noodles euthanised, stuffed and mounted--------------people will like Noodles more when she's dead, I assure you.

I am so sick of people with badly-trained dogs trying to make excuses. "Oh, he's excited, he loves people!" He jumped up at me and knocked me over into the mud. I'd be sorely tempted to kick a person square in the balls for that, but dogs deserve better? Great. And speaking of, like don't even get me started with the unspayed dogs humping your leg. Next time one of my besh*tted relatives' besh*tted dogs humps my leg, I'm going to choke-slam it through the coffee table. And if said relatives object, they're next. I'm sick of it.

One of my cousins named his horrible unspayed gross dog Zuko, and I assumed it was named after the ATLA character, so I casually asked cousin if he'd seen any of 'Legend of Korra', and he was all snotty about it. Evidently he named the dog after Danny Zuko from 'Grease'. Because, you know, naming your dog after a total sleazebag from a really sh*tty musical is better or something. Whatever. Zuko the dog is awful---------he and Danny Zuko are well-matched.

[CaptHayfever]

Sometimes I like the dog better than the person.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Next time one of my besh*tted relatives' besh*tted dogs humps my leg, I'm going to choke-slam it through the coffee table. And if said relatives object, they're next. I'm sick of it.

Good thing I wasn't drinking anything or it'd have come spewing out my nose laughing lol

Sometimes I like the dog better than the person.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

I find that's usually the case, unless it's a pitbull or another big and angry looking dog.

[Booyakasha]

If somebody would just round up all the dogs and kill them, then we wouldn't have dipstick dog owners letting their repulsive pets lick their faces and using the term 'furbaby' (*retch*) unironically. Presumably all the former dog owners would turn back into human beings within a couple months. And if they didn't, we could purify them with flame.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Furbaby is one of those terms I really dislike, along with adulting and hack (as in, "life hack" or such).

[Booyakasha]

...so this is all somewhat in response to my sister and her gigantic horrible monster dog. She's a St. Bernard/bullmastiff hybrid, and so, at merely seven months old, she is already much larger than a full-grown rottie or lab. She is full of puppy energy and love, which sounds great in theory, right up until she jumps on top of you and stomps directly on your fruitstand with her huge claws. (That happened. It was extraordinarily unpleasant.)

Sis hasn't made many inroads to training the dog, because Sis is ridiculously busy, and it's a problem. Dog just runs the hell away if you let her outside without chaining her up. And she jumps up at you. That's something that needs to he curtailed immediately. Hundred-pound-plus dog jumping up at people is unacceptible. I don't care if she's being playful and affectionate-----------that sh*t hurts.

Dog jumped up on Iree the other day just out of exuberance. Knocked her down and scratched one of her eyelids open with her dumb monster claws. Blood all over, and an emergency room visit. And now Sis is trying to tell Iris that she shouldn't he afraid of the dog, that the dog didn't mean it, and meanwhile I'm like, "once bitten, twice shy, babe". Iris should be scared of the dog. The dog could easily have knocked her eye out or made her hit her head super hard on a bollard or something.

It's not an appropriate dog for the household. I have difficulty with this dog, and I'm a big man with powerful man-shoulders and big hairy man-arms and all-----------Sis, Riv and Max aren't as well-equipped to handle the brute, and Em-Bear and Iree are totally outclassed. If Sis wanted a dog, she should have started small. An affectionate basset hound puppy isn't going to kill anybody, unless it's actually possible to make someone squee themself to death.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Dang, sorry to hear about the injury. If she can't train it or pay for it to be trained it certainly seems like a disaster waiting to happen with those kids. Plus your fruitstand.

[Booyakasha]

...I mean, I can't laugh that one off. I was taking a nap, because riding the train is flipping exhausting, and the dog jumped and landed square on my downstairs. I shot awake, wailing in terror and pain, and I just could not shove the stupid assh*le off me.

I don't care that it was on accident, I would be pleased if she died. Otherwise, sooner or later, one of the kids is going to be going around with an eyepatch or a hook-hand or a prosthetic butt-cheek or something. I prophesy it------------mark my words.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

That'd make picking Halloween costumes easier at least. Silver lining, Boo!

[Booyakasha]

If they want to dress up as pirates, maybe. Might be hard to make a Princess Peach costume work with a wooden leg.

[Booyakasha]

So not to belabour the point of me not liking the dog, but she reeks. She smells like a wet dog who rolls about in mud and raw sewage, because that's what she is. My sister is a magnificent cook and a professional-grade artisanal baker who supplements her income by selling cheesecakes and birthday cakes and wedding cakes, cupcakes, cookies, muffins and bread and all. She tosses that sh*t off like it ain't nothing, and so you might expect her house to smell like homemade cookies or cinnamon or vanilla extract or sourdough or something. Nope----------hideous wet dog stench. Permeating everything pervasively. It's so, so unpleasant.

[emporornapoleon]

i got bitten by a strangers dog the other week, it hurts and happens so fast you don't even notice until after

[Booyakasha]

Dogs suck. 'Man's best friend' my backside------------my best friend is a stand-up dude named Shane. He's never bitten me nor stomped on my balls once. Someone's assh*le dog attacks you and you punch it in the nose to get it off you, the person gets mad at you. Hey, screw off, I didn't ask your horrible smelly wolf-monster to attempt to eat me alive.

If you're such a stupid sh*tty dirtbag that your best friend is a dog...go live in a cave. You're no aid to civilisation. Chances are you're not going to produce a Pulitzer-winning novel or poem anytime soon. You're not the next Gabriel Garcia Márquez, you're some crappo who's so pathetic his only friend is a dog. Burn in hell.

Dogs aren't our friends, they're our abject slaves, and I'm tired of pretending otherwise. If someone's employee or servant attacked me, presumably they'd fire them; if their slave attacked me against their wishes, they'd put the slave to death. People refuse to acknowledge when their dogs are poorly-trained sh*tty attack animals. Also I can't sleep sometimes for all the garbagey disgusting dogs in the neighborhood barking all day long because they're stupid.

Don't own a dog, or, if you insist on owning a dog, train your dog. Train it to help you herd sheep, or kill mice, or to be nice at least. When I was a boy, I had a very sweet dog, a kindly black labraterrier, about knee-height, and people were hesitant to pet him. Isn't that sort of a damning indictment of dogs in general? They saw the nicest dog on earth, who heeled and didn't bark or jump, and they were scared of him. My relatives talk sh*t about him for being so well-behaved! They say "he might as well have been a cat", because we had the audacity to train him not to scare and attack people! Gods below, my relatives are the kind of people who deserve to have dogs as their best friends!

[emporornapoleon]

yeah after what happened i give em a wide birth these days, i didn't realise how long the pain lasted after a bite

[Booyakasha]

My sister's stupid gigantic new dog was a biter when she was teeny-tiny. I'm glad she grew out of that--------------she gave me a playful nip these days, odds are even I'd fall in half like Darth Maul.

[Mario500]

(suggestion/solution for dog hate: imagine having a dog's perspective of such hate)

[Booyakasha]

What perspective could they possibly have that would matter at all?

Dogs are too stupid to know anything about what I think of them from afar. It isn't as though I go running down the street, kicking dogs and beating them with a big bat with nails driven through it. On the flipside, I've frequently had dogs run up and accost me. Sometimes out of aggression, sometimes out of playfulness and joie de vive. If a dog knocks me over and causes me to smash my head or break my glasses on a paving stone, it doesn't matter to me whether it did it out of rage or rambunctiousness-------------I'm well within my rights to be angry either way.

[Mario500]

What perspective could they possibly have that would matter at all?

(answer: possibly a very friendly, intelligent, and non-aggressive perspective for at least one dog)

[Booyakasha]

Dogs aren't smart enough to have that kind of perspective outside of silly children's shows. Like, believe me, I've never been angry at Jake from 'Adventure Time', or Pluto, or Lassie. I don't have to smell Scooby-Doo or worry about Tintin's little buddy Snowy biting me on the butt, so I'm fine with them.