Why Lego won’t ever make military-related toys

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Even Jar Jar is better than anything in the sequels. He's iconic if nothing else. You can hear his shrill voice right now, even as you read this.

[Booyakasha]

The eternal Jar Jar. Giving his big dumb thumbs-up, with his tongue hangin out the side of his mouth forever.

...I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. Knowin he's out there. Jar Jar. Takin 'er easy for all us sinners.

[Booyakasha]

So I've gotten into a Lego theme that I never thought would interest me at all----------namely, Lego Minecraft.

I'm not all in, and I haven't gone bonkers and bought any rare sets at huge markups (I've never done that with any Legos at all)------------just gotten a few sets. Most of them I built, looked at for a bit, and then disassembled. I'll keep the Llama Village put together for display, but anything that just looks like wasteland with an average-looking Minecraft house on isn't really at the same level as the Destiny's Bounty, the Pirates of Barracuda Bay or the ECTO-1.

I've started using brick separators. Just for the little plates, mind you----------it's ridiculous trying to get tiny untextured pieces split apart.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Not much of a Lego nor Minecraft guy but even I have to admit that's the most appropriate crossover between IPs I've seen since SNK vs Capcom.

[CaptHayfever]

I mean, Minecraft is basically just digital Lego in the first place.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Booyakasha]

Yeah. The sets are pretty boxy-looking and low-detail-------clearly designed more for play than aesthetics.

[Deku Tree]

Minecraft Lego always seemed a little too ouroborus for me. Not that I ever had sets growing up. Always just had a collection of random Lego pieces.

[Booyakasha]

So I bought a Harry Potter Lego set from the grocery store (they get toys for sale around Black Friday). I don't know what the heck movie this is from---------I haven't seen anything past 'Azkaban'. Harry looks way older on the box.

The set is called 'Hogwarts Carriage and Thestrals'. I wanted the weird pieces. I don't know what a thestral is--------some kind of even-more-terrifying horse, I guess.

[Deku Tree]

It's a spooky (flying? I forget) horse only visible to those who've witnessed someone die. They are used to pull carriages of students from the Hogwarts Express to the castle. For most students, you just get a magical ride on a carriage apparently drawn by nothing.

[CaptHayfever]

^^Order of the Phoenix (number 5), that's the first time Harry sees thestrals since it's after he witnessed Cedric die.

^Yeah, they fly. The kids use them for an escape at one point, and Ron & Hermione are freaking out because they can't see what's holding them up.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Booyakasha]

Hmm. Interesting.

I am legitimately terrified of real-life horses, but I like horses on an abstract level. I like the MLPs, and The Last Unicorn, and Artax, and good old Traveler. And I like Lego horses.

I got a brown horse in a random grab-bag of Legos from Half-Price Books couple months back, and I wasn't as careful as I should have been. Brown Legos from back in the day are notoriously brittle, and I broke it by sheer accident. Me and my big stupid idiot hands of doom. I wanted to cry, man. Like, Legos in general are pretty sturdy, so I knew the horse was a golden oldy specifically because it broke in my hands. It survived all the way from the 80s just to have me smush it like a jerk. Pretty flippin embarrassing.

Anyway. I've got a bunch of random horses from the Castle theme. Even a couple skeleton horses from when the knights were fighting orcs and deadites and stuff about fifteen years ago. Scary grossout bat-winged devil horses are a welcome addition.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Yeah, horses are a bit scary. Any strong animal is, really. Fictional ones are cool, Rapidash and Epona are top tier.

[Booyakasha]

I like the blind bags. I like them a lot. Also I hate them with every fibre of my being. Ohh. Ooh, mama.

I went into Minifig blind-bag series 23 with the mindset of 'hey, I'll get them all eventually. it'll be a fun gamble, a spin of the wheel! whee' and after buying roughly a zillion of the damn things I have not gotten one Knight of the Yellow Castle. The One I Want. I only just got the Green Dragon today. Eleven out of twelve.

Supposedly it's random. Yeah, yeah. It's just random chance that I have like twenty of garbagey Titanic Guy and Cardboard Robot and zero Knight of the Yellow Castle. Bite me.

Gods below, I'm tired of looking at Titanic Guy. Titanic Guy is a piece of crap and I hate him. I want him to die in a more horrible fashion than simply existing on the Titanic.

[EDIT: I'll keep going. I'll get Knight of the Yellow Castle, and I'll get her by chance. It'll be so gratifying. But if the only way to get her is by way of unwrapping a hundred more Titanic Guys, I'm going to start kicking people's heads off at the Lego store. Bet on it.

[EDIT 2: I got Knight of the Yellow Castle. It took me ninety blind bags. Nine-zero. That's 450 bux.

I had fun, but I am never doing it again. Never ever.

450 bux would buy me a whole nother Lion Knights' Castle, or four Black Falcon Knights' Fortresses. I could probably get a gently-used actual Yellow Castle for not much more!

[Booyakasha]

Ugh. So the new LEGO blind bags are out, and I bought six because I'm the stupidest person ever.

I got Newsie Boy, Rocking-Horse Girl, Marie Antoinette and goldang three Pottery Gals. Is Pottery Gal the new Titanic Guy or Cardboard Robot? I already hate her.

I'm not doing this garbage again. I'll wait a year and pay ten, twelve, fifteen bux to get Black Falcon Knight Falconer for sure. I'll buy several of that. Black Falcon Knights are rad.

[Booyakasha]

I got stupid and impatient and bought two more six-packs of blind bags, and it turns out that's all it took. Full set-------Black Falcon Knight Falconer, Orc, Alien, Space Guy with Space Baby, the whole lot. Sometimes you luck out.

(*remembers the Disney blind bags are next*) (*eighteen*) (*eyes widen in pure terror*) (*'declamation' starts playing*)

[Booyakasha]

So I'm not aiming for the whole Disney set. I want Robin Hood and Prince John. If I happen to get the Queen of Hearts or Oswald or Dr. Facilier or Baymax into the bargain, cool beans, but I want Robin Hood and Prince John. That's as far as I'm going.

...'Robin Hood' is the best Disney movie represented in the set. (There's no Maid Marian or Little John, because the world is a place where the villains wear a smile on their face.) I want the good stuff.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

The little fox cartoon Robin Hood? I detest modern Disney but that's a classic.

[Booyakasha]

^Heck yeah. Great adventure, lovable characters, beautiful animation, and (I mean, this is up your alley, not mine) only a couple musical numbers.

Fun Disney trivia-------------they originally wanted to set their version of 'Robin Hood' in the Old West. Hence why they hired Roger Miller to write and perform so much twangy cowboy-sounding music for it, and why half the cast has these broad southron accents, instead of all o' them sounding UK.

...wonder what made them change their minds. Maybe it was a crowded field? Westerns were huge at the time. Heck, Disney had a few Westerns going just a few years before ('Zorro', 'Davy Crocket', 'Elfego Baca' and all).

...one wonders if they made Robin Hood a fox as a nod to 'Zorro', what with "zorro" being the Spanish word for "fox". Or possibly as a reference to 'The Court Jester', wherein the Robin Hood-type rebel-bandit-leader is called the Black Fox? ("Only the sprightliest sprite, the nimblest elf/The wickedest witch or the Devil Himself/Could ever outfox the Fox!" Champeen.)

[EDIT: Prince John is my favourite Disney villain. He's such a sad mean baby---------it's so pathetic that it flips back around to sweet, somehow. You almost feel bad for him.

I've got a Prince John hoodie---------he's glowering and sucking his thumb. I mean, like what else would he be doing.

[EDIT2: Also...we Wisconsinites got our own reason for loving 'Robin Hood'. They play our fight song, when Cluckie the Scottish hen is beatin up the bad guys. Good old "On Wisconsin", out of nowhere. Why? Wherefore? I'm very slightly confused. Who cares! Plunge right through that line, you silly chicken!

Why "On Wisconsin"? It's a bizarre choice! It's funny, and it probably didn't hurt the movie's sales within Wisconsin, but...why? That's almost the definition of 'crazy but fun'. Pure lunacy.

[Booyakasha]

Well, so I didn't get Robin Hood or Prince John, but hey, at least no duplicates. Aurora, Tiana, Dr. Facilier, Stitch, Sorcerer Mickey, the Evil Queen, Queen of Hearts, Baymax, Jiminy Cricket, Mulan, Pocahontas and Pinocchio. Leaves Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, Miguel and de la Cruz, and Cruella de Vil.

[Booyakasha]

...so I bought two more six-packs of the Disney blind bags, and I got the same twelve figures. So clearly they aren't randomised. The odds are incredibly against. The product of 12! times 6!, divided by 18!, if I'm not much mistaken.

I'm not buying any more. This is infuriating. I don't care if it's maybe a one-in-three chancet that I get that miracle set that has all the ones I'm missing. I'm going to wait a year and get Robin Hood and Prince John (to hell with the rest---------I don't give a tin shilling about Oswald the Besh*tted Rabbit), but I'll be scowling when I do it. I'm annoyed! Blind bags can go piss up a rope.

[EDIT:...at least up until series 25 comes out.]