Absolutely awful movies with 0% enjoyment

[Booyakasha]

^Nope. Satan didn't even put in an appearance in 'Touch of Satan', the puss.

[Deepfake]

[QUOTE="Booyakasha, post: 1524583, member: 17381"]^Nope. Satan didn't even put in an appearance in 'Touch of Satan', the puss.[/QUOTE]
I didn't think so, but I couldn't remember. I do remember that just about then, them Duke boys showed up.

[Booyakasha]

Hah. Satan sucks. What a dweeb.

...suck-ass sissy. Jesus-Thor-Horus has all the kung fu.

[ScottyMcGee]

[QUOTE="Booyakasha, post: 1524569, member: 17381"]

^MST3K with Satan ballet-dancing? That might indeed be 'Santa Claus', dove. Nothing else springs to mind. [/QUOTE]

PAHAHA

I suddenly guffawed after remembering the part where Santa uses one of those bullsh*t belt vibrators on his belly to lose weight. And the narrator was like "Look, kids! Santa is exercising with a brand new belt vibrator!"

[Booyakasha]

'No, Lupita! Stealing is wrong!'

...she's literally named 'little she-wolf', you big dumb narrator, you-------what makes you think she should be constrained by mere human morality

for all you know she's one of them mexican sorcery-catholics, whose version of jesus is two parts the christ, one part tezcatlipoca the smoking mirror, and one part winged serpent------get the hell out of here with your us-centric steez, dick

[Gumchum]

I still can't watch either of the Schumaker Batman movies, not even ironically. They're both too foul to even be acknowledged.

[Calamity Panfan]

[QUOTE="Gumchum, post: 1524679, member: 15474"]I still can't watch either of the Schumaker Batman movies, not even ironically. They're both too foul to even be acknowledged.[/QUOTE]

watched batman & robin while hammered oncce

would recommend.

tried that with star wars episode one too but i was even angrier watching that drunk than sober

[Gumchum]

I'd have to be stoned off my ass with someone else to watch that horsesh*t again.

[ScottyMcGee]

See for me the Schumacher Batman films hearkens back to the silly Batman age, so like Adam West. It's so over-the-top and stupid that it's enjoyable. I mean, sure, I don't watch it like 325532534 times, but if I'm in the mood for a drunk movie night, those would be on my list. Along with anything Nic Cage.

[Booyakasha]

^I'll defend the Schumacher flicks along those lines. Like, if one's sole exposure to Batman had been the post-Miller neo-Dark Knight comics and Burton movies, I can see how they'd be inexcusable, but I kind of grew up with equal parts cool Batman and silly Batman. Like, the Adam West tv show, the old comics ('oh no! the gamester has trapped batman and robin on a giant chessboard!' pfffffffft, yeah, so dark), and especially the cartoons. Like, never even mind dumbass 'Super-Friends', or the times they guest-starred on 'Scooby-Doo' and sh*t---------I recently saw several episodes of this ancient Batman cartoon (my nephew picked it at the video rental place), and it was asinine and juvenile. (Also incredibly boring. I can't see how anybody was ever entertained by that trash.) (Maybe I'm just spoiled by modern cartoons. Hard to compete with 'Gravity Falls' and 'Steven Universe'.)

Nic Cage gets a bad rap. That man is legitimately entertaining to watch. I like seeing someone take what could easily be a boring nothing role and just go apesh*t with it. Like, 'Downfall'/'Vampire's Kiss'/'Bringing Out the Dead'/'Face/Off' bonkers. Nicolas Cage takes garbage and makes it sublime. Heck, sometimes he takes sublime stuff and makes it even betterer. (I would literally watch 'Raising Arizona' any time.)

[ScottyMcGee]

The one Nic Cage movie I don't reccommend is Left Behind. I realized it was on Netflix, and since I find any religious apocalyptic scenario interesting I wanted to check it out. I was already warned that it was bad. But yeah - it's BAD. Even for Nic Cage. There's nothing fun for Nic Cage to do. The movie is so god-awful-boring. It's definitely up there on my list of movies that have 0% enjoyment. So. Damn. Dull.

My experience with Batman was first watching the Tim Burton movies on VHS. Man, that sparked my childish imagination. I was too stupid to realize any real difference in Batman Forever and Batman & Robin. I was just all "YAY! BATMAN! FIGHTING!" It wasn't until I was entering high school that I was actually growing some intelligence, looked back and thought "Oh, wait, that was actually really goofy." I saw a review about Batman & Robin and they made a point that it's really not a movie - it's a feature-length advertisement for toys and merchandise. I never thought of it that way but it's kind of true. There's a sequence where Batman, Robin and Batgirl jump into these obnoxiously elaborate batmobiles and batbikes on the way to the final battle with Mr. Freeze. These vehicles don't do anything except to look cool and get blown up. They literally have like three minutes of screen time.

[Calamity Panfan]

don't watch nic cage left behind

watch kirk cameron left behind. the remake only focused on like the disaster movie aspect of it while the original has SO MUCH MORE TO OFFER (LIKE THE HEAD OF THE UNITED NATIONS BEING LITERALLY SATAN AND BRAINWASHING EVERYBODY)

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Cage's Left Behind was okay for what it was.

[Booyakasha]

I never bothered with any of the 'Left Behind' movies, because I read the books instead. (Not as a religious thing, mind you---------I'm a Catholic, we Catholics don't have the Rapture. The Rapture is something you sweet silly heretics came up with on your own.) Just thought they sounded interesting, and you know, they were. Fascinating stuff, what people will interpret out of Scripture.

Won't pretend they're great literature or anything, but I'd feel comfortable stacking them up against them doofy 'Eragon' books, or Salvatore's endless Drizz't Do'Urden saga. They're at about that level of fantasy literature.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

That's something about Catholicism I didn't know. Interesting.

[Valigarmander]

^ Catholics, Orthodox, Oriental churches, mainline Protestants and most other denominations do not believe in the Rapture.

[Calamity Panfan]

Yeah the Rapture is mostly believed by more "fundamentalist" churches, iirc. I dunno which specific denominations believe in it but it largely focuses on how some denominations interpret certain passages in the New Testament. In my conservative Lutheran church/schools, we learned specifically about how there isn't a Rapture.

[Swordmaster Link]

I don't know if any of you have had the misfortune of watching "Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li", but for me that definitely fits the bill here. Not only do they botch several aspects of the canon (which is silly in and of itself, I get it...but still) both in terms of visuals and narrative, but the acting is downright offensive. I could of course stop at "Chris Klein is Charlie Nash" but there are just...so many things, so many things wrong with this movie. I guess you might be able to enjoy it if you didn't grow up playing the series (Street Fighter, along with Sonic, hold special places in my gamer heart), but if you have like me this movie just feels like a giant dump is being taken on your childhood. There's even a point where you can see Kristin Kreux (sp? I don't care enough to check honestly) visibly restraining a laugh while delivering one of the scenes!

Long story short, I would only recommend (and barely at that) watching this movie if you're bored and/or drunk with friends.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Yeah, that Chun Li film is even worse than the Van Damme one, which is good because it's just a Van Damme 90's action flick with Street Fighter thrown in. Neither are really SF movies though, IMO.

[Swordmaster Link]

At least the first movie embraces the campy nature of the franchise and, at the end of the day, you have Van Damme in semi-acceptable action scenes. The Chun-Li movie is just downright offensive.