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Congratulations! A major Hollywood studio has given you the green light to produce a movie based on your life. You are given complete control over who is the project, and literally everyone in the film business is willing to be a part of your movie. Because you have a time machine that can retrieve people from the past, you can put dead and/or younger versions of living people in the movie.

The only rule is that you cannot act in, direct, or write the score this movie.

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What is the general plot of the movie? It doesn't have to be a completely accurate depiction of your life, but more how you want others to see your life.

What is the genre of the film?

Actors! Who plays you? Who plays your love interest? Your best friends? Your arch nemesis? Other supporting characters?

Who is directing the movie?

Music! Who does the original score? Are there any pre-existing songs you want to put in the movie?

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So yeah. Have fun.

What is the general plot of the movie? It doesn't have to be a completely accurate depiction of your life, but more how you want others to see your life.
Plot: I am a well-intended Magnificent Bastard who becomes famous.

What is the genre of the film?
...Normal?

Actors! Who plays you? Who plays your love interest? Your best friends? Your arch nemesis? Other supporting characters?
Topher Grace plays me. That's all I know. Oh, and no Matt Damon.

Who is directing the movie?
I'm not picky.

Music! Who does the original score? Are there any pre-existing songs you want to put in the movie?
Yuko Takehara. For the win.

What is the general plot of the movie? It doesn't have to be a completely accurate depiction of your life, but more how you want others to see your life.
The autobiographical film opens with me springing out of my mother and jumping into a Gene Kelly routine, as people come from far and wide to see the dancinest baby the world has ever known. Cut to high school, where the audience is treated to a candid account of my awkward first love, followed by a soul-searching journey around the world aboard a hot air balloon after my first breakup. The film ends with me bullet-ridden in a gutter, staring up into the sky as the rain begins to fall. (I don't know how I'm going to die, but that's in the top five ways it's likely to go down.)

What is the genre of the film?
Tragicomedy, with a hint of science fiction.

Actors! Who plays you? Who plays your love interest? Your best friends? Your arch nemesis? Other supporting characters?
Young Val will be played by Drake Bell. Old Val will be played by Tommy Lee Jones. My mom will be played by Lucy Liu, and my dad by James Earl Jones. My first girlfriend will be played by Kirsten Dunst. Paul Whitehouse will play my FBI liaison.

Who is directing the movie?
George Romero. With special effects by Tom Savini.

Music! Who does the original score? Are there any pre-existing songs you want to put in the movie?
The score is done by Danny Elfman. The movie's theme is an upbeat a cappella version of Mars, Bringer of War.

Alright, might as well actually do one for myself.

What is the general plot of the movie? It doesn't have to be a completely accurate depiction of your life, but more how you want others to see your life.
It starts in a classroom. I am learning Cantonese, with two really cute TA's, the Hong Kong pop duo Twins, who decided to go to grad school at UW-Madison to teach Cantonese. Unfortunately, Wisconsin's budgetary cuts are decreasing the quality of our education. The teachers are angry, and classes are becoming less frequents due to massive protests at the capital. Unfortunately, the protesters are a bunch of hippies who don't do anything to create actual change, and Scott Walker and the state GOP legislature cackle evilly in their secret lair, plotting to make Wisconsin a complete plutocracy. Every day they receive secret missions from the Koch Brothers on how to implement their evil plan.

Meanwhile, there is some sort of convoluted romantic back story where I am trying to woo both my TA's, the Twins, but I am having trouble deciding which one I want to date. I go to my awesome Korean roommate for advice, but ultimately he lets me know that the difficult choice is mine to make, and that some things in life don't come easy. Our friend, The Black Guy, is visiting us from Chicago, and we drink lots of Snapple and eat Chinese food.

Eventually, Walker and the Koch Brothers' evil plan starts to take serious tolls on Wisconsin. Within a couple weeks, Madison is transformed from a beautiful college town full of intellectuals into a dusty old ghost town like you'd see in old spaghetti westerns. Walker's team of kung fu mooks have subdued and locked up all the hippie protesters, and it's up to me and the Twins to take them all down with our collective martial arts prowess. First, however, the three of us receive a bunch of awesome weapons created specifically for us by my friends, the Other Twins.

It all leads to an epic Kung Fu showdown where we all take down the hundreds of mooks, known as ALEC. However, in the end, I must face Walker by myself. After an epic battle, I finally subdue the awful governor, but I realize something funny about his face, as if he is wearing a mask. As it turns out, Scott Walker was actually Taylor Swift in drag the whole time!

In the epilogue, I marry both the Twins, Taylor Swift is locked up in jail, and all is well. Or is it? The Koch brothers are still on the loose. Do I smell a sequel?

What is the genre of the film?
Political satire with hints of romance and Kung Fu

Actors! Who plays you? Who plays your love interest? Your best friends? Your arch nemesis? Other supporting characters?
I am played by a young Robert DeNiro. Charlene Choi and Gillian Chung star as the Twins as my dual love interest. My awesome Korean roommate is played by Song Kang-Ho. The other twins are played by Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg. Scott Walker is played by Steven Seagal. Taylor Swift plays herself. The Koch Brothers are played by Michael Douglas and Philip Baker Hall. My friend Kierre plays The Black Guy.

Who is directing the movie?
Martin Scorsese, with action sequences by Ching Siu-Tung.

Music! Who does the original score? Are there any pre-existing songs you want to put in the movie?
Original Score by Ennio Morricone. "Lorelei" by the Cocteau Twins plays over the end credits.

What is the general plot of the movie? It doesn't have to be a completely accurate depiction of your life, but more how you want others to see your life.

Follow a young man as he comes to terms with the limitations of his conscious reality, all the while writing unconventional, abrasive music with the intention solely of pissing off the ancient league of pensioners that happen to be his neighbors. One by one everyone in his life dies off until he feels that he has nothing valuable left tethering to his previous world. Sort of Aeon Flux only with less bondage gear and more Pi.

What is the genre of the film?

Psychological Drama & Thriller

Actors! Who plays you? Who plays your love interest? Your best friends? Your arch nemesis? Other supporting characters?

My part is played by several persons, ranging from Seth Green to a young Anthony Hopkins. Their performances are timed and spliced together using computer morphmation techniques so it's difficult to tell when one actor is the lead.

Who is directing the movie?

You are, Bomby, although you will be required to consult with David Lynch concerning set lighting and post production.

Music! Who does the original score? Are there any pre-existing songs you want to put in the movie?

Clint Mansell in conjunction with Danny Lohner.

There is one track that I'd like to be sourced, and that is "Kill Everybody" by Skrillex.