Konnichiwa, Misanthropy-Sensei Vol. VII
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The ride home reignited some hope in this date--Sirena seemed a lot more chipper than when we started out, talking up the shark incident like a trip to Disney World while I saw it more as a trip to the dentist for a root canal. In short, I'd rather forget it. And to do so, I focused on the fact she seemed way more ecstatic about her present. She kept that sledgehammer close to her since it struck home so I guess dad really did come through with that decision. Even though there was no way he could've predicted how she managed to finally appreciate it. Whatever--it worked out, right?
Oh wait--we're not out of the woods yet. There's still dinner with the family.
Goddamn it.
That's another thing I'd rather not think about, but can't do much about that, can I?
Stepping towards the front door of the house, we noticed there... wasn't a front door anymore. Dad must've removed it. We didn't give that much thought then and walked through the doorway. Sirena placed her now-treasured hammer on the couch and then excused herself to the bathroom to change out of her wet shirt (where'd she leave her other one? in the bathroom?). Waiting for her for what felt like forever, the den seemed a bit too quiet.
Sirena: Ha ha! Are these baby photos of you? Aw, aren't you the cutest thing?
No, no--I want it quiet again! Come back, quiet!!
Shoemi: Y-yeah... That's me.
She just laughed but at least it didn't sound patronizing. I guess mom put those photos back up. She does love those pictures, though. For some reason, I don't feel as embarrassed as I thought I would be. Is that the confidence building up?
Shouyu: Hey-ey, look who's home!
Oh, boy. So it begins.
Shoemi: Hey. Are mom and dad home?
Shouyu: Yeah, they're on their way downstairs. Mom wants to meet the date now but dad can wait at the table.
He then brought me aside as to be out of Sirena's earshot. Not a good sign. She seemed curious but didn't impose.
Shouyu: (Heads up: Dad's not on board with the date from what you've told us about her. He's a bit skeptical and even went as far as to say he regretted having you give his old hammer to her. He would've probably not let her in the house if he had known beforehand and if mom hadn't talked him down.)
Shoemi: (Oh god, why?)
Shouyu: (Are you seri--...Because of her dark skin, obviously.)
Shou then smacked me upside the head. Sirena stifled a chuckle from afar. Yeah, this isn't turning out well.
Shouyu: (She dresses up as a mermaid 24/7, you doof! Look, me and mom are all about whatever makes others happy, but that ****--what he calls "internet freak" ****--don't fly with dad and you know it. Especially considering you--his son--are courting her!)
Shoemi: (****. **** **** ****--what do I do?!)
Shouyu: (Well, you can either take it on the chin and go through with the dinner despite dad's misgivings, or haul ass out the door, floor it and live life on the lam.)
Shoemi: (Okay, then. My car's almost out of gas--can I use yours? I'll reimburse you sometime down the line like when dad dies or something.)
He smacks me again. I figured it was worth a shot. This isn't good. But even I know deep down I have to go through with this. I cast my assload of worries aside for now and focused on Shou introducing himself to Sirena.
Shouyu: Hi! You must be Sirena!
Sirena: Yeah, hi. *shakes hands* ...So, what was all that hush-hush about?
Shouyu: Just giving the poor guy a pep talk. This is his first outing with a girl since... **** we don't even remember anymore and poor boy's a nervous wreck, you know?
I see Sirena trying to stifle a huge guffaw while leaning over with that "oh god I shouldn't laugh cause I feel so bad" look I'm all too familiar with. Yup. This is going straight to hell. I might as well drop on the floor into the fetal position right the **** now, but no--gotta remain my cool. I'm amazed I'm actually succeeding with such considering how my mind's on **** meltdown by now. Must be that "inner strength" mom always kept talking about.
Shouyu: Anyway, forgive me for not introducing myself sooner: I'm Shouyu, Shoemi's big brother.
Sirena: Ha--Who else but an older brother would talk like that in front of him to his date? Anyway, pleased to meet you! Will I be meeting the rest of the family?
Shouyu: Speak of the devil--look who's right behind me!
Tomoki: Oh, hello! You must be Sirena!
Sirena: I very well must be!
Mom just goes ahead and hugs her right there. Sirena seemed wide-eyed at first, but quickly reciprocated happily. Mom was always known for her soft hugs. It's like being hugged by a warmer, fluffier manatee. Despite my current deer-in-the-headlights status, seeing that hug put some calm back in me. It always had a knack for doing that.
Tomoki: Welcome to our home! Shoemi's told us a lot of interesting things about you! Like... *looks down* ...how you dress as a mermaid!
Sirena: Huh? ...OH--oh right, yeah I... dress as a mermaid because... I just love mermaids and always wanted to be one, you know? I always hope that by dressing as one all the time, I can finally... BE one someday...?
Even Sirena seemed like she didn't believe what she was saying. You'd think she'd be used to explaining such to others by now. Mom just looked on with an empty stare, until...
Tomoki: ...Well, I for one, hope you attain your dream someday! Somehow! If you don't mind me asking, doesn't it get tiresome hopping everywhere? You must take off that suit sometimes, don't you?
Sirena: Eeeh... It's... gotten to a point I don't feel comfortable at all taking it off. It's a... um... personal thing. You understand. Well, maybe not, but that's how it is.
Tomoki: Ah, I see. Well, whatever makes you happy, dearie.
Anyway, are you ready for dinner?
Sirena: ...Um, will I be meeting the man of the house?
Tomoki: Why, you already have!
Mom just looks straight at me. Not only is Sirena doing that all-too-familiar look again, but Shou is also doing it. Tonight's just a roller coaster of emotions, and this is a particular dip in the track. A dip so low it's practically underground.
Sirena: *laughs* ...Ahh... I guess that's true... But I was referring to... um... the father?
For a fraction of a second, mom's face goes a bit grim, facing away from Sirena. She changes her expression before turning around. Oh ****.
Tomoki: ...You'll meet him at the table, dear. I'm sure he'll welcome you with open arms as well!
We all head to the table. I'm already too strung out to add further flavor to this narrative.
Oh wait--we're not out of the woods yet. There's still dinner with the family.
Goddamn it.
That's another thing I'd rather not think about, but can't do much about that, can I?
Stepping towards the front door of the house, we noticed there... wasn't a front door anymore. Dad must've removed it. We didn't give that much thought then and walked through the doorway. Sirena placed her now-treasured hammer on the couch and then excused herself to the bathroom to change out of her wet shirt (where'd she leave her other one? in the bathroom?). Waiting for her for what felt like forever, the den seemed a bit too quiet.
Sirena: Ha ha! Are these baby photos of you? Aw, aren't you the cutest thing?
No, no--I want it quiet again! Come back, quiet!!
Shoemi: Y-yeah... That's me.
She just laughed but at least it didn't sound patronizing. I guess mom put those photos back up. She does love those pictures, though. For some reason, I don't feel as embarrassed as I thought I would be. Is that the confidence building up?
Shouyu: Hey-ey, look who's home!
Oh, boy. So it begins.
Shoemi: Hey. Are mom and dad home?
Shouyu: Yeah, they're on their way downstairs. Mom wants to meet the date now but dad can wait at the table.
He then brought me aside as to be out of Sirena's earshot. Not a good sign. She seemed curious but didn't impose.
Shouyu: (Heads up: Dad's not on board with the date from what you've told us about her. He's a bit skeptical and even went as far as to say he regretted having you give his old hammer to her. He would've probably not let her in the house if he had known beforehand and if mom hadn't talked him down.)
Shoemi: (Oh god, why?)
Shouyu: (Are you seri--...Because of her dark skin, obviously.)
Shou then smacked me upside the head. Sirena stifled a chuckle from afar. Yeah, this isn't turning out well.
Shouyu: (She dresses up as a mermaid 24/7, you doof! Look, me and mom are all about whatever makes others happy, but that ****--what he calls "internet freak" ****--don't fly with dad and you know it. Especially considering you--his son--are courting her!)
Shoemi: (****. **** **** ****--what do I do?!)
Shouyu: (Well, you can either take it on the chin and go through with the dinner despite dad's misgivings, or haul ass out the door, floor it and live life on the lam.)
Shoemi: (Okay, then. My car's almost out of gas--can I use yours? I'll reimburse you sometime down the line like when dad dies or something.)
He smacks me again. I figured it was worth a shot. This isn't good. But even I know deep down I have to go through with this. I cast my assload of worries aside for now and focused on Shou introducing himself to Sirena.
Shouyu: Hi! You must be Sirena!
Sirena: Yeah, hi. *shakes hands* ...So, what was all that hush-hush about?
Shouyu: Just giving the poor guy a pep talk. This is his first outing with a girl since... **** we don't even remember anymore and poor boy's a nervous wreck, you know?
I see Sirena trying to stifle a huge guffaw while leaning over with that "oh god I shouldn't laugh cause I feel so bad" look I'm all too familiar with. Yup. This is going straight to hell. I might as well drop on the floor into the fetal position right the **** now, but no--gotta remain my cool. I'm amazed I'm actually succeeding with such considering how my mind's on **** meltdown by now. Must be that "inner strength" mom always kept talking about.
Shouyu: Anyway, forgive me for not introducing myself sooner: I'm Shouyu, Shoemi's big brother.
Sirena: Ha--Who else but an older brother would talk like that in front of him to his date? Anyway, pleased to meet you! Will I be meeting the rest of the family?
Shouyu: Speak of the devil--look who's right behind me!
Tomoki: Oh, hello! You must be Sirena!
Sirena: I very well must be!
Mom just goes ahead and hugs her right there. Sirena seemed wide-eyed at first, but quickly reciprocated happily. Mom was always known for her soft hugs. It's like being hugged by a warmer, fluffier manatee. Despite my current deer-in-the-headlights status, seeing that hug put some calm back in me. It always had a knack for doing that.
Tomoki: Welcome to our home! Shoemi's told us a lot of interesting things about you! Like... *looks down* ...how you dress as a mermaid!
Sirena: Huh? ...OH--oh right, yeah I... dress as a mermaid because... I just love mermaids and always wanted to be one, you know? I always hope that by dressing as one all the time, I can finally... BE one someday...?
Even Sirena seemed like she didn't believe what she was saying. You'd think she'd be used to explaining such to others by now. Mom just looked on with an empty stare, until...
Tomoki: ...Well, I for one, hope you attain your dream someday! Somehow! If you don't mind me asking, doesn't it get tiresome hopping everywhere? You must take off that suit sometimes, don't you?
Sirena: Eeeh... It's... gotten to a point I don't feel comfortable at all taking it off. It's a... um... personal thing. You understand. Well, maybe not, but that's how it is.
Tomoki: Ah, I see. Well, whatever makes you happy, dearie.
Anyway, are you ready for dinner?Sirena: ...Um, will I be meeting the man of the house?
Tomoki: Why, you already have!
Mom just looks straight at me. Not only is Sirena doing that all-too-familiar look again, but Shou is also doing it. Tonight's just a roller coaster of emotions, and this is a particular dip in the track. A dip so low it's practically underground.
Sirena: *laughs* ...Ahh... I guess that's true... But I was referring to... um... the father?
For a fraction of a second, mom's face goes a bit grim, facing away from Sirena. She changes her expression before turning around. Oh ****.
Tomoki: ...You'll meet him at the table, dear. I'm sure he'll welcome you with open arms as well!
We all head to the table. I'm already too strung out to add further flavor to this narrative.
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Antisocial
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Appetizers were already put out while mom fetched the main course. Mom was always renowned for her cooking. I'd even go as far as to say she's the best cook out of all the charac--I mean people I know. She put out some corn (farmed to high quality and drizzled with the perfect amount of butter, no artificial flavors) some peas (consistently sized, tenderly boiled) and collard greens (tastes good) before putting out the main course which I'm not even going to describe because it's better if I leave it to the imagination because that's how storytelling goes, bitches. But the words "taste bud orgasms" come to mind.
After some small talk between me, Sirena, Shou and mom, the following exchange just spontaneously blew up in front of me in slow motion.
Tomoki: *to Sho* ...Honey, you haven't said anything since we sat down. Will you say something to our guest, please?
Sho: *twiddles with a fork, saying nothing*
Tomoki: I'm not serving anything until you say something to her.
Sho: ...
Sho: *after a couple seconds of silence* ...So you're a... mermaid or something?
Sirena: I like to believe that I am. And you're Shoemi's father, I presume?
Sho: Yes. Excuse me for not... speaking up--My mind's been occupied.
Tomoki: *glares* By what, dear?
Sho: By fixing the front door. Those ***holes across the street must've been playing ball or something and blew a hole in our door.
Tomoki: Right, I noticed that hole, too. Strange, it looked just fine before... Well, before Shoemi left the house, actually.
Sho: *to Shoemi* You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?
Shoemi: Uh... UH...
Sho: *throws fork down* I knew it.
Tomoki: Sho, calm down.
Sho: Okay, then say it: You had nothing to do with that, huh? Just say that and I'll drop it.
Shoemi: ...
Sho: ...
Shoemi: ...
Sho: Figures. First, dating a freak and negligent property damage. What a **** fantastic night this is turning out to be.
Sirena: ...I'm sitting RIGHT here, hearing you LOUD and CLEAR, sir.
Sho: Good! Maybe you can hear me say that I'd like my sledgehammer back!
Sirena: EXCUSE me?! It was a gift! He told me you handed it down to him to give to me!
Sho: And, as the original owner, I'd like it back! I'll probably use it to knock some sense into my idiot son!
Sirena: Shut up! Don't talk to him like that! I'll have you know that it wasn't him that busted your damn door--It was me!
Sho: *condescending laugh* ...Right. Whatever.
Sirena: Fine. I'll tell you straight up that I punched that **** STRAIGHT through, since it wouldn't open in the first place since, I was told, YOU were supposed to fix it!
Sho: WHAT?! *stands up* Listen here, you subhuman degenerate: You don't go around punching holes in MY property. Just give my hammer back, slink back into your little freakshow cesspool that you came from, and--hopefully--quietly DIE so society doesn't have to deal with sick fetish **** ANYMORE!
Sirena: *stands up* You have some **** nerve--
Tomoki: Sirena, don't! *turns to Sho* Sho, please!
Sho: Get out. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Sirena: ...
Tomoki: ...
Shouyu: ...
Sho: ...NOW!
Shoemi: ...
...
...
...
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CaptHayfever
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^ :party3:
_________________________________________________________________________
[QUOTE="Valigarmander, post: 1601443, member: 30663"]DO NOTHING, lose her, remain forever alone, become filled with regret and self-loathing.[/QUOTE]
I don't know why, but I just sat there while dad whaled on her. I kept shouting to myself in my head, "What are you doing?! Come to her defense, you stupid prick--You've come too far to **** this up now; do something chivalrous for once! Do it! DO IT! NOW!!" It was the inverse of how I usually deal with women: The mind was really willing but the flesh was weak.
Dad got up to personally show Sirena the door. She just gives me the coldest aside stare that ironically burns itself into my memory while I still sat there. Doing nothing. Like a **** statue.
This is the reality, isn't it? I showboated all night but in the end, I'm just a pathetic nobody who'll never amount to anything. I can't believe this is happening. I had the capacity to fight this but not the initiative. Story of my life.
I couldn't even recall what occurred after Sirena got ousted. Shou had his face buried in his hands while mom excused herself to softly weep. But dad then approached me and dealt the devastating blow to my--
...Wait. Wait a minute.
That wasn't the first choice, was it? Hold on.
[QUOTE="CaptHayfever, post: 1601442, member: 25169"]The goal here is to get Shoemi a happy ending for freaking once in his life, right? DEFEND HER.[/quote]Oh, thank effing Christ.
...Not that it'll be any easier to handle, but...
Sho: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. NOW!
"...No."
Wait... Who said no?... It actually took me a bit to realize it was coming from me and that I had already stood up from my seat. My mind tends to not keep track when I do pants-**** terrifying things.
It seems like Sirena was about to rebut again but before she could speak, her eyes were on me. As well as everyone else's eyes.
Shoemi: ...No. Sh-she's not leaving.
Again, the words just seemed to leave my throat on their own. This will be a recurring theme for the following exchange.
After what seemed like a minute of awkward silence, dad lets out a really condescending chuckle.
Sho: Heh heh... What the hell do you think you're doing? Sit down.
Shoemi: ...No.
Sho: I said, SIT. DOWN.
Shoemi: ...
Sho: SIT DOWN, YOU IDIOT. NOW.
Shoemi: ...
Shouyu was about to stand up as well in order to combat dad, but me and mom just throw him a quick determined stare. He slowly sits back down. I look back to dad.
Sho: Huh. I see how it is. You think I'm going to back down because you "finally found the strength", huh? Coming to this freak's defense to gonna make you the **** hero of this story, huh? Well, guess what--You have the roles all mixed up. You're not the hero. You're a **** minion to this monster; the true villain in this picture. She's not your princess. She's a MONSTER. How about you finally open your eyes and realize this? Now SIT. DOWN.
Shoemi: She's not a monster. She's my date. And I'm not sitting down. A-and she's not leaving.
Sho: Are you **** dense?! *scoffs* What a stupid question. Well, how about I just throw you both out? You fine with that?
Shoemi: None of us are leaving.
Sho: ...Yeah, **** that.
Dad just mutters through his teeth as he throws his chair aside and begins to stomp towards us. Then--
"ENOUGH."
...Wait... Who said that? That... definitely wasn't me this time. I cringe really hard as I feel dad getting closer and suddenly hear cries of pain.
...Whose cries?
I open my eyes.
Sho: AUUGGHH!!! WHAT'RE YOU--
Tomoki: I said, ENOUGH.
Sho: OW!! Ahhh...
Tomoki: You know, you were already pushing me closer to the edge when you attempted to throw our guest out, but once you involved our son into your asinine display of machismo, I was already falling.
Sho: NO! AUGH... Don't do this!...
Tomoki: Just shut up. First of all, apologize to our guest. Now.
Sho: ......!!!!
At that point, we could all hear dad's ear getting twisted. Jesus.
Sho: I-I'm sorry! Okay?! I'm sorry!
Tomoki: Oh honey, we all know you don't mean that. I mean, let's be realistic--you ARE under duress right now.
Sho: What?! Then why--
Tomoki: Just messing with you. I mean, you DO deserve it after all that nonsense you just vomited over this what was supposed to be a familial event with one of the nicest girls Shoe has ever brought home.
Sho: ...But...Ugh, but she destroyed our door!!
Tomoki: The door you said you were going to fix for the past several weeks, dear. You ARE aware how frustrating it is to be stuck at that door trying to pry it open, don't you?... Actually, since it's still not fixed, I guess you're NOT aware of such. You've put it off for so long, I was about to bust that bitch down myself.
Mom then turns to us with a, frankly creepily sincere smile while the rest of her continues to put the screws on dad.
Tomoki: By the way, thank you SO much for giving my husband incentive to finally fix that door.
Sirena: You're... welcome?
Tomoki: And about what transpired tonight... This man may not be sorry, but I definitely am. I do hope you can find it in your heart to excuse his appalling behavior.
Sirena: ...Uh... Sure?
Tomoki: And Shoe, dear... Pay no heed to what this man says about leaving the house. You're free to live here for as long as you want! You know that, don't you?
Shoemi: Yeah. Yeah, mom. Of... Of course.
Tomoki: ...Also, I just want to let you know... That I'm so proud of you right now.
Sho: ...NO, don't--
Tomoki: I SAID SHUT UP.
Sho: ...
Tomoki: And Sirena, dearie... I want you to know that you're welcome to our household whenever. Keep that in mind, won't you?
Sho: ...OKAY, NO. I DRAW THE LINE AT--
For like a millisecond, we thought dad would wrest control. Then we heard the twisting again.
Tomoki: ...In fact, you said you have a friend you travel with that has the odd skin condition? Her and any other of your trusted associates are welcome here as well. And I speak as the true head of the Tsuboshin household. ^_^
Sho: NO!!!
Mom throws dad a look we swear we could all feel the ambient heat off of. Thank god the rest of us aren't not making eye contact with her at that moment.
Tomoki: I'm sorry--Did you say something?
Sho: .......................
I always was wary crossing paths with dad, but I realized at this time that it's nothing compared to my mom.
After a bit more reassurance from mom, she regrettably had to retire to the bedroom early due to dad's behavior. But not before giving Sirena a warm goodbye in the form of some kind words and another hug (a one-armed hug since the other arm was still attached to dad). After insisting we continue with dinner in their absence, she left, with dad in tow. Me, Sirena, and Shouyu were left.
A couple minutes of silence ensued, most likely due to us processing the debacle that just unfolded. Sirena finally broke the silence by asking if my dad will be okay, to which Shou replied that he had a big lunch so he could afford to skip dinner. We laughed as the casual atmosphere slowly returned to the table. Albeit, without the parents.
We three chatted up while we ate during what was going to be the nicest dinner dates at my house that I've ever had in my life, if not the nicest dinner date period. Even after stuffing ourselves, we found ourselves remaining at the table shooting the **** all the way to midnight.
I learned a lot that night. Not just about my date, but my family. And especially myself.
While Shouyu was expounding to Sirena about my past dates to my chagrin and her overly reactive amusement, I was about to slap Shou across the mouth when my phone suddenly rang.
Sirena: Oh, ****! What time is it? *looks at our clock* ...Damn! Midnight already, so that must be Purson!
Shouyu: She's your ride?
Sirena: Yup. All the way back to where I live.
Shoemi: It's... It's over? Already?
Sirena: Man, I already told you back in the car that I'm getting picked up around midnight. You didn't think this date would last forever, did you?
I just bit my tongue then let out a chuckle.
Shoemi: Right. I guess not. It's just... I dunno... It's--
*HONK HONK*
Sirena: She's already here! Hold up, let me let her know I'll be there in a bit and I'll say my last goodbye with you, alright?
Shoemi: Goodbye?...
She laughs and leaves the table, towards the front door. Shouyu gets up and starts collecting the dirty plates. I start helping him.
Shouyu: The hell are you doing, dude?
Shoemi: ...Helping with the table? Duh?
Shouyu: Give me that, you dip. *grabs the plate I picked up* ...Go and see her off!
Shoemi: ...Um...
Shou then looks at me for a moment.
Shouyu: ...You... DON'T want to say bye, do you?
Shoemi: Dude, just--
Shouyu: No, be straight with me.
Shoemi: ...
Shouyu: ...Is this... The One? For you?
Shoemi: ...Truthfully, I don't really think so, but it's just that... Despite the roller coaster today has been, the date just... started gaining steam, you know? I finally got to really show her I ain't no bitch, and--
Shouyu: Yeah... And it didn't seem forced this time!
Shoemi: Exactly! And just when that happened, it ends.
Shouyu: Bro. Sometimes you just have to accept that the first steps to becoming a man are mercifully short. I mean, you had to make room for all that improvement, you know? Hell, it may be over now but just think---For once, you'll leave a lasting impression on your date!
I thought about that for a moment. Then decided to leave.
Shouyu: HEY, DOOFUS! Leave that glass so I can wash it!
I stumbled back into the dining room and left the glass I absentmindedly kept in my hand. THEN I decided to leave.
I almost-ran through the den and through the front no-more-door. I catch Sirena loading her sledgehammer into Purson's oddly demonic-looking lowrider parked in front of our house. Sirena notices me, tells Purson to wait a bit and hops over. I meet her halfway. Almost halfway. Whatever.
Purson calls out to me. Rather embarrassingly.
Purson: Hey, Romeo! You swept her off her fins didn't ya, you **** Casanova? I saw it in her eyes!
Sirena: Shut up! Honestly!
Purson: Did you get lucky?! If yes, you gotta tell me exactly HOW!
Sirena: Will you ****' let me say bye, already?!
Purson gestures Sirena to do her thing, so she turns around. First looking at the ground, then slowly at me.
Sirena: So... Tonight was nice. I had a great time. Well, on average, anyway. ***hole father notwithstanding.
Shoemi: Yeah. Sorry about that.
Sirena: Not your fault, man. And trust me--I've been there.
Shoemi: Right...
Sirena: Anyway, before I say bye, did you have something to say?
Shoemi: ...Uh. I... I forgot. It's not important. *chuckle*
_________________________________________________________________________
[QUOTE="Valigarmander, post: 1601443, member: 30663"]DO NOTHING, lose her, remain forever alone, become filled with regret and self-loathing.[/QUOTE]
I don't know why, but I just sat there while dad whaled on her. I kept shouting to myself in my head, "What are you doing?! Come to her defense, you stupid prick--You've come too far to **** this up now; do something chivalrous for once! Do it! DO IT! NOW!!" It was the inverse of how I usually deal with women: The mind was really willing but the flesh was weak.
Dad got up to personally show Sirena the door. She just gives me the coldest aside stare that ironically burns itself into my memory while I still sat there. Doing nothing. Like a **** statue.
This is the reality, isn't it? I showboated all night but in the end, I'm just a pathetic nobody who'll never amount to anything. I can't believe this is happening. I had the capacity to fight this but not the initiative. Story of my life.
I couldn't even recall what occurred after Sirena got ousted. Shou had his face buried in his hands while mom excused herself to softly weep. But dad then approached me and dealt the devastating blow to my--
...Wait. Wait a minute.
That wasn't the first choice, was it? Hold on.
[QUOTE="CaptHayfever, post: 1601442, member: 25169"]The goal here is to get Shoemi a happy ending for freaking once in his life, right? DEFEND HER.[/quote]Oh, thank effing Christ.
...Not that it'll be any easier to handle, but...
Sho: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. NOW!
"...No."
Wait... Who said no?... It actually took me a bit to realize it was coming from me and that I had already stood up from my seat. My mind tends to not keep track when I do pants-**** terrifying things.
It seems like Sirena was about to rebut again but before she could speak, her eyes were on me. As well as everyone else's eyes.
Shoemi: ...No. Sh-she's not leaving.
Again, the words just seemed to leave my throat on their own. This will be a recurring theme for the following exchange.
After what seemed like a minute of awkward silence, dad lets out a really condescending chuckle.
Sho: Heh heh... What the hell do you think you're doing? Sit down.
Shoemi: ...No.
Sho: I said, SIT. DOWN.
Shoemi: ...
Sho: SIT DOWN, YOU IDIOT. NOW.
Shoemi: ...
Shouyu was about to stand up as well in order to combat dad, but me and mom just throw him a quick determined stare. He slowly sits back down. I look back to dad.
Sho: Huh. I see how it is. You think I'm going to back down because you "finally found the strength", huh? Coming to this freak's defense to gonna make you the **** hero of this story, huh? Well, guess what--You have the roles all mixed up. You're not the hero. You're a **** minion to this monster; the true villain in this picture. She's not your princess. She's a MONSTER. How about you finally open your eyes and realize this? Now SIT. DOWN.
Shoemi: She's not a monster. She's my date. And I'm not sitting down. A-and she's not leaving.
Sho: Are you **** dense?! *scoffs* What a stupid question. Well, how about I just throw you both out? You fine with that?
Shoemi: None of us are leaving.
Sho: ...Yeah, **** that.
Dad just mutters through his teeth as he throws his chair aside and begins to stomp towards us. Then--
"ENOUGH."
...Wait... Who said that? That... definitely wasn't me this time. I cringe really hard as I feel dad getting closer and suddenly hear cries of pain.
...Whose cries?
I open my eyes.
Sho: AUUGGHH!!! WHAT'RE YOU--
Tomoki: I said, ENOUGH.
Sho: OW!! Ahhh...
Tomoki: You know, you were already pushing me closer to the edge when you attempted to throw our guest out, but once you involved our son into your asinine display of machismo, I was already falling.
Sho: NO! AUGH... Don't do this!...
Tomoki: Just shut up. First of all, apologize to our guest. Now.
Sho: ......!!!!
At that point, we could all hear dad's ear getting twisted. Jesus.
Sho: I-I'm sorry! Okay?! I'm sorry!
Tomoki: Oh honey, we all know you don't mean that. I mean, let's be realistic--you ARE under duress right now.
Sho: What?! Then why--
Tomoki: Just messing with you. I mean, you DO deserve it after all that nonsense you just vomited over this what was supposed to be a familial event with one of the nicest girls Shoe has ever brought home.
Sho: ...But...Ugh, but she destroyed our door!!
Tomoki: The door you said you were going to fix for the past several weeks, dear. You ARE aware how frustrating it is to be stuck at that door trying to pry it open, don't you?... Actually, since it's still not fixed, I guess you're NOT aware of such. You've put it off for so long, I was about to bust that bitch down myself.
Mom then turns to us with a, frankly creepily sincere smile while the rest of her continues to put the screws on dad.
Tomoki: By the way, thank you SO much for giving my husband incentive to finally fix that door.
Sirena: You're... welcome?
Tomoki: And about what transpired tonight... This man may not be sorry, but I definitely am. I do hope you can find it in your heart to excuse his appalling behavior.
Sirena: ...Uh... Sure?
Tomoki: And Shoe, dear... Pay no heed to what this man says about leaving the house. You're free to live here for as long as you want! You know that, don't you?
Shoemi: Yeah. Yeah, mom. Of... Of course.
Tomoki: ...Also, I just want to let you know... That I'm so proud of you right now.
Sho: ...NO, don't--
Tomoki: I SAID SHUT UP.
Sho: ...
Tomoki: And Sirena, dearie... I want you to know that you're welcome to our household whenever. Keep that in mind, won't you?
Sho: ...OKAY, NO. I DRAW THE LINE AT--
For like a millisecond, we thought dad would wrest control. Then we heard the twisting again.
Tomoki: ...In fact, you said you have a friend you travel with that has the odd skin condition? Her and any other of your trusted associates are welcome here as well. And I speak as the true head of the Tsuboshin household. ^_^
Sho: NO!!!
Mom throws dad a look we swear we could all feel the ambient heat off of. Thank god the rest of us aren't not making eye contact with her at that moment.
Tomoki: I'm sorry--Did you say something?
Sho: .......................
I always was wary crossing paths with dad, but I realized at this time that it's nothing compared to my mom.
After a bit more reassurance from mom, she regrettably had to retire to the bedroom early due to dad's behavior. But not before giving Sirena a warm goodbye in the form of some kind words and another hug (a one-armed hug since the other arm was still attached to dad). After insisting we continue with dinner in their absence, she left, with dad in tow. Me, Sirena, and Shouyu were left.
A couple minutes of silence ensued, most likely due to us processing the debacle that just unfolded. Sirena finally broke the silence by asking if my dad will be okay, to which Shou replied that he had a big lunch so he could afford to skip dinner. We laughed as the casual atmosphere slowly returned to the table. Albeit, without the parents.
We three chatted up while we ate during what was going to be the nicest dinner dates at my house that I've ever had in my life, if not the nicest dinner date period. Even after stuffing ourselves, we found ourselves remaining at the table shooting the **** all the way to midnight.
I learned a lot that night. Not just about my date, but my family. And especially myself.
While Shouyu was expounding to Sirena about my past dates to my chagrin and her overly reactive amusement, I was about to slap Shou across the mouth when my phone suddenly rang.
Sirena: Oh, ****! What time is it? *looks at our clock* ...Damn! Midnight already, so that must be Purson!
Shouyu: She's your ride?
Sirena: Yup. All the way back to where I live.
Shoemi: It's... It's over? Already?
Sirena: Man, I already told you back in the car that I'm getting picked up around midnight. You didn't think this date would last forever, did you?
I just bit my tongue then let out a chuckle.
Shoemi: Right. I guess not. It's just... I dunno... It's--
*HONK HONK*
Sirena: She's already here! Hold up, let me let her know I'll be there in a bit and I'll say my last goodbye with you, alright?
Shoemi: Goodbye?...
She laughs and leaves the table, towards the front door. Shouyu gets up and starts collecting the dirty plates. I start helping him.
Shouyu: The hell are you doing, dude?
Shoemi: ...Helping with the table? Duh?
Shouyu: Give me that, you dip. *grabs the plate I picked up* ...Go and see her off!
Shoemi: ...Um...
Shou then looks at me for a moment.
Shouyu: ...You... DON'T want to say bye, do you?
Shoemi: Dude, just--
Shouyu: No, be straight with me.
Shoemi: ...
Shouyu: ...Is this... The One? For you?
Shoemi: ...Truthfully, I don't really think so, but it's just that... Despite the roller coaster today has been, the date just... started gaining steam, you know? I finally got to really show her I ain't no bitch, and--
Shouyu: Yeah... And it didn't seem forced this time!
Shoemi: Exactly! And just when that happened, it ends.
Shouyu: Bro. Sometimes you just have to accept that the first steps to becoming a man are mercifully short. I mean, you had to make room for all that improvement, you know? Hell, it may be over now but just think---For once, you'll leave a lasting impression on your date!
I thought about that for a moment. Then decided to leave.
Shouyu: HEY, DOOFUS! Leave that glass so I can wash it!
I stumbled back into the dining room and left the glass I absentmindedly kept in my hand. THEN I decided to leave.
I almost-ran through the den and through the front no-more-door. I catch Sirena loading her sledgehammer into Purson's oddly demonic-looking lowrider parked in front of our house. Sirena notices me, tells Purson to wait a bit and hops over. I meet her halfway. Almost halfway. Whatever.
Purson calls out to me. Rather embarrassingly.
Purson: Hey, Romeo! You swept her off her fins didn't ya, you **** Casanova? I saw it in her eyes!
Sirena: Shut up! Honestly!
Purson: Did you get lucky?! If yes, you gotta tell me exactly HOW!
Sirena: Will you ****' let me say bye, already?!
Purson gestures Sirena to do her thing, so she turns around. First looking at the ground, then slowly at me.
Sirena: So... Tonight was nice. I had a great time. Well, on average, anyway. ***hole father notwithstanding.
Shoemi: Yeah. Sorry about that.
Sirena: Not your fault, man. And trust me--I've been there.
Shoemi: Right...
Sirena: Anyway, before I say bye, did you have something to say?
Shoemi: ...Uh. I... I forgot. It's not important. *chuckle*
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Antisocial
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Sirena: Look... I think I know. This date was more to you than just showing me around town, wasn't it?
Shoemi: ...
Sirena: You were hoping to score, weren't you?
Shoemi: ...Well, um...
Sirena: ...No. Don't start thinking I'm offended by such... Because I'm not. Probably because after tonight, I saw... potential in you. You know... For me.
Oh ****.
Sirena: ...Which really sucks, because I'm really not looking for a relationship right now. It doesn't mesh well with my lifestyle.
Shoemi: Oh. Right, because of the mermaid... thing. That's understandable.
She stared at me for a moment and then heaved a sigh. With closed eyes at first, she started speaking.
Sirena: Shoemi... The thing about me... Being a... "fake" mermaid...
Shoemi: Huh?
Sirena: ...See, the truth is...
With bated breath, I stared, nonblinkingly, awaiting the rest of that sentence.
...
And then she shook her head.
Sirena: Uh... N-never mind. I can't say. Forget it.
Shoemi: You sure? I don't know but I had this feeling you were about to tell me you're a real mermaid.
Sirena: !!!
I then placed a hand on her shoulder, using my best sympathetic voice...
Shoemi: I understand, Sirena. You don't need to involve me in your fantasy... That's too much pressure on you already. Just know that... I understand.
Sirena: *nervous chuckle* Ha... heh, heh... R-right. *cough*
I almost wanted to pat myself on the back for that. I rarely ever get a chance to say something sympathetic to a girl without getting my face slapped. Good job protecting her psyche, Shoe! Look how relieved she is!
Sirena: Anyway... Maybe one day you can show me around town again? I mean, we didn't get a chance to visit every place anyway... Maybe my friend back home can even tag along?...
Shoemi: Uh, sure! You bet! Because I am good host!
*cough*
From wanting to pat myself on the back to kicking myself in the ass. Story of my life. Except at least now, it has a happy ending. Since Sirena let out a really hearty laugh at that.
Sirena: Heh... Thanks for the date, Shoe. I'll see you around.
She then leans over and...
Oh.
Oooooooh.
I take a moment to revel in that. That's good, right? I mean, I haven't been kissed by a girl in so long... This is still good, right?
No, wait.
I don't need to ask myself that. For once, I KNOW this is good.
Sirena takes her time hopping to the car, seemingly savoring tonight.
Strangely, I didn't feel as disappointed as I thought I would be from all that. In fact, I left feeling better than before. Sure, I didn't score, but the fact I left quite an impression... Like Shou said... It's a start! A start good enough to help me try again next time!
I turn to my house, satisfied. The future's starting to look pretty goo--
Sirena: HEY!!!
Huh?
I turn around. She's hopping at me... and...
She looks pissed.
No. NO. I was doing so good! FOR ONCE I DID GOOD WITH A GIRL! DON'T TAKE THAT AWAY! COME ON!
What did I even do wrong?! I KNOW I didn't do anything wrong, thinking about it! Is it just the gods above wresting the luck from my side? Must I always be destined to rub women the wrong way?! What could possibly provoke her ire after all that?!
Before I could tear my head apart looking for further answers, I brace for the worst as she nears me and
well this is new
im on the ground now
Sirena: Goddamn it, Shoe--I thought a bit in the car and was so mad at myself for not showing you how grateful I SHOULD be after all the **** you've been through tonight... Because really, you deserve more than that.
Sirena: Yet, that's all I can muster now... So, sorry.
Shoemi: that it
it is uh
that is cool
Sirena: Whoa. Dude. Can you like... get up off the floor? Staring all wide-eyed into space like that; you're creeping me out.
Shoemi: sorry
cant help
good kiss
Sirena: Oh... *blush* ...Uh... I never thought of myself having an effect on a guy like that... Uh... Sorry. Really. Um...
Purson: Siri! Trust me, after what you've done, he'll be MORE than fine. Just speak with him normally! He'll be like that for a bit!
Sirena: You sure? ...Well...
Sirena: In that case, I guess I should let you know that fired me up a little bit... It IS a shame most girls aren't giving you attention, missing out on kisses like that! Maybe... next time... We can go a little further? Maybe.
Shoemi: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aah
ah
Sirena: *giggle*
...See you later, Shoemi.
...
...
...
I wake up. The last thing I remember was getting kissed by a mermaid.
I turn to my phone which is now on my side dresser. Shou had the forethought to leave a text saying that he carried me inside and into bed after finding me catatonic on the front yard. He also said dad was sorry (thanks mom) and then ended it with "i'm all too familiar with that state bro tell me about that kiss in the morning XD". Goddamn it. Shou, I swear, it's hard to hate you when you do stuff like this.
I decide to just sleep in my suit as is, since Shou damn well won't dress me up and I'm glad for that.
I doze off... into a familiar nightmare... But with one major change.
My bride looks happy.
...She's still my right hand, but...
She looks happy.
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Valigarmander
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Heroine of the Dragon
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Antisocial
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Okay never mind--That wasn't the moment after all.
__________________________________________________________
[QUOTE="Valigarmander, post: 1605068, member: 30663"]You missed a perfectly good chance to make Shoe and everyone else miserable. :no2: [/QUOTE]
I'm pretty sure your comic already has the misery market cornered.
Anyway, holy balls--that whole arc took me five and a half months? Wow, I really am turning into a legit webcomic author. That really sucks. Well, that'll teach me to try something new and more involved with my work for once.
Never again.
Character rank up: Shoemi Tsuboshin
Paid: Nic Ecchiro
"When you say "score", I didn't think you meant sex!": Fukuda "Bomb" Rikuu
__________________________________________________________
[QUOTE="Valigarmander, post: 1605068, member: 30663"]You missed a perfectly good chance to make Shoe and everyone else miserable. :no2: [/QUOTE]
I'm pretty sure your comic already has the misery market cornered.
Anyway, holy balls--that whole arc took me five and a half months? Wow, I really am turning into a legit webcomic author. That really sucks. Well, that'll teach me to try something new and more involved with my work for once.
Never again.
Character rank up: Shoemi Tsuboshin
Paid: Nic Ecchiro
"When you say "score", I didn't think you meant sex!": Fukuda "Bomb" Rikuu
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Valigarmander
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CaptHayfever
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